Hair, Part One
Well, this is where it begins. The beginning of my embarrassment. But a promise is a promise and I did promise to answer every last question. I thought I might be able to make it a little less embarrassing by accompanying my answer with photos, but alas. I am unable to scan photos all by my little ole lonesome. And I must not keep my adoring audience waiting too much longer. So while I wait on the photo-scanning genius of the family to find himself some time to devote to my hair blog posts, I’ll start with part one. The part I can do right now, by myself.
From friend of a friend, Diane: What the heck do you do to your hair to make it so amazing?
Okay. You asked for it. I’m going to walk you through it, step by step.
Step 1: Shampoo, rinse thoroughly.
Step 2: Condition, but don’t rinse completely thoroughly. Your hair needs the extra moisture and weight to combat the frizz.
Step 3: Do not rub dry with towel. Just barely blot it and let it stay dripping, soaking wet.
Step 4: Put exactly one squirt of this in your hands:
Distribute evenly throughout hair with palms of hands only. Do not use your fingers to separate curls or you’ll end up with more frizz than curl.
Step 5: Put exactly one squirt of this in your hands:
More than one squirt will result in crunchy, over-produced hair. This is powerful stuff, trust me. Again, distribute evenly throughout hair without combing through with your fingers or separating the curls in any way. Scrunching is fine. Since your hair is still dripping wet, I suggest scrunching over the sink.
Step 6: Dry with a diffuser as hot as you can get it:
The way to dry with a diffuser is to tilt your head so that as much hair as possible falls into that big mega-phone part. Then bring the diffuser as close to your head as possible and just leave it there. Slowly move around your entire head in this manner. I do not suggest turning your head upside-down because you already have more volume than any three people could ask for in this life. No, it’s best to keep your hair in pretty much the same direction as it will be once it’s dry. Diffuse until 100% dry. If you stop while still wet, the still-wet parts will turn into frizz.
Step 7: Take a flat iron to your bangs (or fringe, if you’re a fancy-pants) because they will be sticking out in a million directions after diffusing.
Step 8: Using a curling iron with a 3/4 inch barrel, touch up any straight/frizzy parts still left on your head. Your sides especially just don’t have the curl that the rest of your hair has, so just give ‘em a little boost.
There you have it. Eight step process. Maybe a half hour every morning. Of course, if you then want to add clips or other such non-sensical pretties, you might be looking at another 5-10 minutes.
Up next: Hair how-to’s from all hair stages of my life, including the much-adored triangle stage, complete with visual aides.
Okay…I followed every step. For one…it was very painful, especially the flat iron on the #2 shaved diminishing hairline. Two…it didn’t work. Three…my hair looks nothing like yours. Did I miss something?
Fabulous! thanks so much! Off to buy new products!
Bean, you must have done something wrong. You would look exactly like me if you only knew how to follow directions. Might I suggest putting a little salve on those burn wounds and starting over again from step one? Do it until you get it right. I want a report.
Diane, glad to be of service. I sure am curious which friend of which friend you are…
And that’s why I’m the sister with the bad hair. It’s just too much work to be pretty!
Oh, pshaw. That’s ridiculous. Two things wrong with that sentence and one thing right. No, you don’t have bad hair. Yes, you are my sister. And yes, you are pretty. Pshaw.
I AM INSPIRED.
And wish I had curly hair just so I could try this very detailed process!
There is extra something about curls rock that makes it work so extra special well. And I say amen to not combing your hair, unless you want to look like Napolean Dynomite. You are so darn funny!
Hello, should have proof read my comment, there is something extra special about curls rock… blonde moment…
I miss you, my blonde friend.
Cheater. I was reading this and thinking, WHAT? That product wasn’t around in the 80′s (and also 90s for the triangle’s long life). I don’t recall anyone asking about your hair NOW; I read all about the reclaiming the triangle. Nice little disclaimer post about how you don’t sport Euclidian down do’s, but NO ONE asked about perfect hair. NO ONE.
You so owe pictures of the triangle now and it’s instructions, along with a tune like Debbie Gibson to play while duplicating.
Les always liked to listen to Debbie Gibson while sitting under a poster of Alex P. Keaton while watching Mr. Alex P. Keaton on his weekly show. Oh yes… I remember…
Hey, so what’s up with “a promise is a promise”? I’m waiting to see all of the questions answered! After all, this is vacation so I know you have time on your hands.
Mom’s right and no matter what she’s always in charge of bedtime. So you owe on making good on your promises for redoing your hair into a triangle while wearing your green and black prom dress and going to dinner on your black and white wedding plates.
Oh, good grief.
Grief for you; delight for us.
Thanks, Leslie. I must ask, is there any getting away with washing hair every-other-day?
Ahh, also, do you have your hair “cut to the curl”?
Beth! Aren’t you the cutest. Yes, I often go days between washing, but since sleeping flattens and frizzes everything, the second day is usually a ponytail day. And yes, you definitely must have layers. Must, must, must.
May the force be with you.