I cried a couple times this weekend. On Friday, we kept the girls home from school due to an extremely busy and emotional week. We felt that a family day was necessary. Sadie wasn’t sure if that was legal or not, but she was happy with our decision. We went to a matinee of The Nativity Story. I cried when I saw the faith of the old shepherd who couldn’t wait to make his way to the manger to worship. How I long for that kind of faith. I cried when I went to the memorial service for Nathan on Saturday morning. His wife, Lauren, sang a song that she wrote in the last couple of days. Her clear, high voice rang out through the church, almost in a whisper, “Lord, Your grace falls on me. Thank you, thank you, thank you…” How I long for that kind of faith. The church was lit up with the lights of hundreds of candles and when I got home and saw my Christmas tree with white lights burning like miniature candles, I cried. I’m still not so sure about equating white lights with peace and calm like others have said. It does something to me for sure, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near peace. That’s okay. I’m content with my white lights anyway. My brother, Robbie and nephew, Simeon came to town for the service this weekend too. The men all went out Saturday night with the Taylor men. I stayed here with the kids and some friends. When Simeon woke up crying in a strange room, I got him up and held him for a bit. It didn’t really help to calm him because I and all my friends were strangers to him. He looked around at each of our faces with a look of panic in his eyes and when he realized that not one of us was Mommy or Daddy, his mouth turned down and his chin started to wobble. That broke my heart a little bit and almost made me cry. On the way to church Sunday morning, we listened to “Where the Streets Have No Name” and I cried tears of hope. When my Mom, Dad, Carlee, Robbie and Simeon came over after church on Sunday, we played a game of Settlers and I do believe I cried a little bit because I was laughing so hard.
Now the weekend is over. I’m glad Rob and Simeon were here. We missed you, Janet. I guess it’s all summed up in tears, faith, longing, hope and joy. There’s love in there too. Maybe the pictures show a little of it.