Things About Me

I have some disturbing qualities that I would just like to get out in the open here. I am not bragging either. I’m a little worried about myself. There are things I like to do that probably are not the best things for me to do. In fact, many of them are downright physically painful and I do them anyway. I would even go so far as to say I ENJOY doing them. I’m wondering if I’m alone in my psychoticness.

Thing Number One: I use a certain face wash on my face twice a day. I will not change face washes because I love how it makes my skin look and feel. But every single time I put it on my face, a burning starts happening in my eyes. It starts slowly, kind of like a seep. Then it spreads into what can only be described as a feeling of toxic gas being poured into my open eye sockets. The weird thing is that I don’t even get the face wash anywhere near my eyes. I make wide circles around my eyes, only washing cheeks, forehead, nose and chin. Yet somehow, the fumes rise, seep and eventually make me feel like I might be going blind. And I like it. Yes, that’s right. I’m not even remotely tempted to wash it off at the first burning feeling. I like to let the burn spread until tears are literally pouring out of my eyes and the whites have turned a purplish color. Something about crying that hard feels good. Is this a problem, I wonder?

Thing Number Two: I like to take spoons and put them in my mouth on the outside of my teeth, toward the back, curved towards the gums. Then I close my mouth and create a suction that is nearly impossible to break. I’m not gonna lie, people….this hurts like a son of a gun. Weird, huh?

Thing Number Three: I like to flip open my cell phone and flip it shut on my nose. Sometimes I leave it there, clasped to the end of my nose while I carry on serious conversations with my daughters. I don’t think they even notice it.

I could go on but I’ll leave it at three things, I guess. I won’t go into how I’ve got my bare feet pressed up against my space heater under my desk, right now as I’m writing this post. Really…they’re actually TOUCHING the burning hot metal. It hurts.

And I also have this weird thing that pops into my head unbidden all the time. This is something I don’t actually want to pop into my head, but I honestly can’t help it. I think it’s like my biggest fear or something. For some reason, I always imagine really sharp scissors cutting my teeth in half. I want to scream even now, just writing about it. Of all the things listed here on this ever-so-important post, this is definitely the one that I never ever ever want to try.

Sometimes I think a straight jacket would help.

  1. #1 by Mom on February 21, 2008 - 11:10 am

    But have you ever worried about being buried alive in a box? Then STOP IT!


  2. #2 by Leslie on February 21, 2008 - 11:14 am

    Where’s Bob Newhart when I need him most?


  3. #3 by knauerflower on February 21, 2008 - 11:31 am

    When I go on walks outside, I worry about parked cars’ brakes coming undone and rolling over me. I don’t wanna go out that way.


  4. #4 by Leslie on February 21, 2008 - 1:48 pm

    Maybe you should stop going on walks. Or move to Dallas. There’s no hills here, so cars wouldn’t roll.


  5. #5 by ERIN INMAN on February 21, 2008 - 2:19 pm

    i have a fear of walking up cement stairs. i always imagine falling and bashing my teeth in.


  6. #6 by Pilgrim on February 21, 2008 - 3:02 pm

    All of these include allowing or inflicting pain to yourself. Perhaps you should join: or:

    I do counseling for such things:

    Work: 1-800-INFLICT
    Mobile: 1-800-HURT ME

    Call me.


  7. #7 by Leslie on February 21, 2008 - 3:17 pm

    Yes. I know. There’s a word for people like me. Can I call you Rhonda, Pilgrim? Then I could say “Help me, Rhonda.”

    OOOOOOOOooooooooooo. Again with the teeth. I hate teeth fears. Now I have something else to worry about. Thanks, Erin.


  8. #8 by ERIN INMAN on February 21, 2008 - 3:25 pm

    hehe. well now we can suffer together.


  9. #9 by Pilgrim on February 21, 2008 - 4:10 pm

    Ms. Rhonda, please. And yes you may.


  10. #10 by melissa reichenbacher on February 21, 2008 - 4:46 pm

    i think we have here another case of bloggerhea. it’s ok. my blog is constipated.


  11. #11 by Tonia on February 21, 2008 - 5:28 pm

    I’d almost call this post Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, but you’re no longer a teenager. 😉 My fears are knee injuries. Don’t tell me how you or someone you know hurt their knee, and we’re all good. Shudder.


  12. #12 by plunky on February 21, 2008 - 8:37 pm

    No wonder you looked at me like a wimp when I told you I couldn’t use a certain face wash because it made my eyes water all day long. It’s nice of you not call me a wimp, or to expect others to go that far. You don’t do you?

    Also, I know someone who slipped in the bathroom and knocked her teeth out. Lost a lot of blood too. Jami lost a tooth when she was 2 & the amount of blood was horrendous! I don’t know how much blood you get when you cut them with scissors…probably none, huh?


  13. #13 by Leslie on February 21, 2008 - 9:17 pm

    AAAAAYYYYYYYYCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH. Enough with the teeth! I can’t take it anymore!!!!!


  14. #14 by Kirsty on February 22, 2008 - 3:51 am

    When my cute baby sister, Carlee, was about three she got her tooth kicked out by my cute big sister Rocky. I think that probably hurt.

    For some reason, when my lips are chapped and cracked, I like to let them just barely start to heal and then pull it open again. Weird, huh?


  15. #15 by Tonia on February 22, 2008 - 5:32 am

    I pick scabs.


  16. #16 by Mom on February 22, 2008 - 9:02 am

    STOP IT, all of you!


  17. #17 by knauerflower on February 22, 2008 - 11:40 am

    I’m always afraid of falling down stairs, and I’ve done it before!


  18. #18 by Rocky on February 22, 2008 - 3:54 pm

    Kirsty didn’t say that the cute big sister ACCIDENTALLY knocked out the the tooth of our cute baby sister. Sheesh, that is an important part. And Dianne, I am with you, everyone STOP IT.


  19. #19 by plunky on February 22, 2008 - 9:10 pm

    I feel like somebody said stop. But, wait…can you do this? It seems almost as cool as your spoon trick.


  20. #20 by Leslie on February 22, 2008 - 10:40 pm

    No, I can’t do that exactly. But I can take a game piece shaped like an inch-high pyramid and stick it all the way inside one nostril. Impressed?


  21. #21 by Tonia on February 22, 2008 - 11:01 pm

    I am scared of that!! Whoa nelly


  22. #22 by divinegrace on February 23, 2008 - 2:18 am

    I do recall another story about Little Leslie and sticking something up her little nostril…how did that one go?

    It seems that there are things that you just don’t outgrow, huh?


  23. #23 by Leslie on February 23, 2008 - 8:43 am

    Yeah, that was just a button. My nostrils were much smaller then. I had to go to the emergency room for that one.


  24. #24 by Mom on February 25, 2008 - 9:43 am

    Then she sneezed in the emergency room and the button went plink plink plink on the floor and the doctor said “see you next time, Mrs. Mezger.”


  25. #25 by plunky on March 17, 2008 - 9:05 pm

    Which game piece shaped like an inch-high pyramid? And have I touched it since it’s nose excursion???


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