Ouch Ouch Ouch


I just bit a chunk off the end of my tongue. I think I might need to give up gum-chewing for good. My mother gave it up years ago. I guess I have her genes, when it comes to the way I chew gum. It’s just that I like gum so much. It makes me happy. And when I’m happy, I chew pretty vehemently. No, I take that back. I guess I do most things pretty vehemently, whether I’m happy or not. If I shut a cabinet, I want to hear it shut and watch the other cabinet doors bounce on their hinges as if to say, “Welcome back, fellow cabinet. We’re glad you’ve come home.” If I put something down on the counter, I want to hear it hit the counter and watch it bounce into whatever might be so unfortunate to be in its way (or fortunate, depending on your point of view). When I type on this little keyboard that I’m typing on right now, I want to make each and every keystroke resonate with purposefulness as though it matters for eternity. I am an on-purpose sort of gal, if you will. Anything worth doing is worth doing vehemently, I always say. (Not really, but as an interesting side note…when I was little, I always read that word with the accent on the third syllable so it always sounded like “vee-hu-MENT-lee” in my mind. I also said the word “determined” like “detter-mind,” in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, now I’m sitting here with my mouth filling up with a mixture of blood and saliva because I am unwilling to swallow it. It’s nothing new. I do it at least once a week, either on the inside of my cheek or the tip of my tongue. The tip of my tongue hurts worse. And now it’s getting all swollen and feeling kind of numb. I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat anything.

And I was really looking forward to the taco salad that I’m making for dinner tonight.

25 thoughts on “Ouch Ouch Ouch”

  1. My advice is give it up and don’t look back. I have a permanent lump of scar tissue on the inside of my left jaw from vigorous (sorta like vehement) gum-chewing. It’s annoying.

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  2. I would like to get one thing very clear here, Jackie. I do NOT enjoy the pain of biting chunks off the end of my tongue. What, do you think I’m nutso? But there is something kind of fun about the pain dance that immediately follows the chunk-biting. It’s kind of this hopping up and down on one leg while spinning around in circles, with my hand tightly cupped over my mouth and yelling “Aychie aychie yay yay yay” over and over until the pain subsides.

    And Kirsty, this missing each other thing is just getting ridiculous. Baby, Please Come Home.

    Josh, thanks.

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  3. I am addicted to chewing gum. Have been for a number of years now.

    No, I mean it. Like at least a pack a day.

    I’m a chain-chewer.

    I know, I should cut down a little. But I did switch to sugar-free this year…

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  4. You know, my sister fully believes that people who smoke gum are chewers.

    What?

    I mean, gum-chewers are would-be smokers, so it’s good they chew instead.

    “Chew” now strikes me as words you use when you live under a bridge.

    Where are you anyway, Pilgrim? I picture a high school in Nebraska or some other place completely unlike that but not overseas.

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  5. I just learned that I’ve been mispronouncing “vehemently” for the last 25 years of my life. Which would be all of my life. Thanks for your side note, Leslie.

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  6. Dear Jackie,
    It has been a while since we’ve had a good blog correspondence (always on someone else’s blog of course….you could visit mine once in a while, though I don’t believe you have one??)

    I don’t know if your comment pictures me IN high school, or TEACHING (which is, surprisingly what I actually do)… But actually California.

    But a part of California that isn’t exactly “California” if you know what I mean….it is in the middle of the mountains, under 8,000 people in the combined four towns around a Lake. Gorgeous, but definitely “small town”..

    Ask Les, she used to live here. Back in the day (when was it Les, early 80’s that you guys left??).

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  7. Kirsty, I’m not in Nebraska, either, or high school. I’ve been a choosy commenter. Discerning woman of few words.

    Pilgrim you bumble bee, you are so refreshing. I visited your blog a few times, but it was hefty and poetic, the latter of which just makes my comments even more brash and inappropriate. One sentence and I’d feel like a Nazi heel.

    You know, when you type “nazi” it gets underlined in red until you capitalize it. What’s up with that, Les???

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  8. Wow, Jackie. I’m honored and disgusted. I would love to have you as a nazi heel on my blog anytime. I don’t know if I’d say poetic (I have a crow on top of a church with bird crap running down the roof as my last post)… and right now the only thing hefty about it is the absence I have taken from it….

    But thanks anyway. I’ll make sure to start trashing my own blog. ; )

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  9. oh that was refreshing. you know, I only get around to reading blogs about once every other week, and when I do, I just sit at my computer, let my children wreck havoc around me, and binge on blogs. And what’s more, I LAUGH! Oh they’re so funny. So for an hour I’ve been reading your blog and laughing, and “mmhmmm-ing” at things, so many things that I resonate with. You are funny, you are honest, you are refreshing. Thanks for all your posts that I can binge on twice a month. 🙂

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