Archive for March, 2010
I can’t seem to get anywhere these days.
I’m driving along like I know the way and suddenly I look around and don’t recognize the landmarks. I don’t remember how I got here and I forgot where I’m going.
I’ve pretty much solidified all the things that I don’t want but I don’t know that it’s gotten me any closer to knowing what I want. And I don’t know if I care.
I don’t like the talk radio people yelling at me like I’m an idiot. I’m not an idiot and I don’t believe they are either so I wish they’d stop treating me like one and I wish they’d stop acting like one.
I don’t think I do so well this time of year.
My throat hurts from singing all the time. I went from nothing to three different levels of hardness in one month. It’s exhilarating and exhausting all at once.
I can’t remember a time when my eyelids felt this heavy for such a long period of time. No matter how much sleep I get, it’s never enough. Nothing is ever enough.
Nothing is ever enough.
I’m going camping this weekend.
I dare it to rain.
I cannot subscribe to you how much I like this day. My brother likes to say subscribe instead of describe and I think it’s funny, so I’ve just done it too. But really, it doesn’t get much better than this. It’s sunny and the trees have white and pink blossoms on them. It’s Monday, which is my FAVORITE day of the week. So many possibilities await us on Mondays. All the old stuff is over and new stuff is just around the bend. The time change is awesome. I can stay up so late now and not get tired! For a couple days at least, before it all catches up to me and I crash. But I’m not thinking about a couple days from now. I’m thinking about right now, and right now is lovely. Lent is more than halfway over and Easter’s just around the corner. I can’t tell you how rich and full and hopeful this makes me. And I just finished the craziest week ever, ending in a talent show at the girls’ school where our whole family participated.
We called ourselves The Twisted Sisters
We whipped it good. And I threw my neck out in the process. I’m not sixteen anymore.
My husband, Chris and my brother, Rob sang U2 and made me smile.
My three daughters sang “The Call” while their dad accompanied on guitar and made me swell with emotion.
Grace, who we basically had to force to do this thing, did the best she’s ever done. She was so, so nervous. I was nervous for her. I wasn’t sure she could pull it off. And then she gets on stage and blows everyone away. Where did she come from? Afterwards, she hugged me and said, “You were right, Mom. I didn’t regret it.”
And Sadie sang the alto part like it was just another day at the office.
Then Callie and Bethany sang “Lady in Spain” while Nathan played guitar, Connor played accordion, and Sadie played the shaker.
It really was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I hope to have more fun like that. But I hope that the next time, I don’t have to look like the 80’s.
Man, I love these people.
We had so many beautiful friends and family there to support us. I believe that I am very blessed. (Here’s the link to all the pictures from the evening, for you really, really nice people) Phew. Am I ever glad I got this posted before crashing. I’ll put video up as soon as I have it.
I officially hate going to the grocery store. I mean, I hated it before but it’s official now. For I have made it so.
I turn into Mrs. Grouchy McMeanie just thinking about going. I will beg, borrow, steal, bribe, lie or fake being sick to get out of going. I’ve been trying for two weeks now to get someone to go for me. To no avail. Two weeks of eating crap has made me see that I cannot put it off any longer. Because we are what we eat.
And so I have just been there and back again. The deed is done and the cupboards are full. I even made a menu and a list and stuck to it, exactly. One would think that that would make one happy. One would like to be happy. But one has issues.
I just discovered something about myself. When I do something I hate, I make sure to do something to the thing that I hate to get back at it. It’s the best when the thing that I hate is not physical and has no soul, like grocery shopping. I can do things to grocery shopping for revenge and it feels so good. It’s WAY better than doing things to people for revenge because that doesn’t feel good at all. That is not nice and I always end up being sorry. But I never regret taking revenge on grocery shopping.
Here’s what I do: When I come home and I pull in the garage and I shut the garage door and I get out of the car and I open the back of the car and I lug all those hateful groceries-that-I-just-spent-money-and-time-and-years-of-my-life-on out of the car and into the house….. I DON’T close the back of the car when I’m done. That’s it. It’s simple really. I could close it but I don’t. I leave it open because I hate grocery shopping. Sometimes it stays open all night. And even though the light stays on in the car and some people might think that it could kill my car battery, it never does. Trust me, I’ve done this millions (if not billions) of times and the car always starts just fine in the morning.
And somehow, it helps.