I woke up to sounds rarely heard in this world. The ice fairies were speaking to each other in their own language loud enough for the rest of us to hear while the thunder roared its gentle laughter in the background in a low, steady murmur. In those magical, pre-dawn hours, the ice fairies danced to the deep bass rhythm while the spikes on their wings brushed against our windows and their voices could be heard rejoicing in their language made up entirely of F, S, T, P and K. Psk tpks kft! They sang as they flung themselves about in the wind.
And when we awoke, the world was transformed.
I knew that it would be for last night I did my Winter Storm Dance. I danced us right out of the 75 degree days we called January and I danced us into Winter. The February kind. I danced on the trampoline underneath the hazy night sky, while my husband wrapped himself in a blanket and bounced along while I danced. I danced hard and I danced high. I lifted my knees as high as my face and I ran circles around my bouncing, cocooned husband. The middle daughter joined us at one point and did a little dancing and a little bouncing herself. But not a lot of talking. It was not a night for talking. It was a night for dancing the Winter Storm Dance. The eldest daughter opened the kitchen window at another point and said “You’re ALL out here?” And we said no, not all. The youngest was in bed. Would she like to join us? She just looked at us like we were crazy and shut the window. And I danced on.
And it came. Like I knew it would. The world was transformed by morning.
I drove to work in that world. I listened to my music and I sang along loudly, while gliding over solid sheets of ice. I like ice. I like gliding. I like only seeing through one tiny circle of clear space on my windshield. I like watching the tiny circle grow wider slowly, even though I can’t see where it goes. I like when the little figure of the car sliding on ice lights up next to my speedometer and beeps at me. It’s helpful. How would I ever know I was sliding if it didn’t tell me? I listened to my music and I wondered while I wandered.
I felt compassion for the cars that I passed driving along with their hazard lights on. I know some people get mad at those people, but not me. Yes, we all know it’s bad weather and we’re all driving slow and they really don’t need to turn their hazard lights on. But I feel like they’re trying to send me a message. They’re saying “I’m scared. Please keep your distance.” And I get that. I really do. I feel sorry for them because it sucks to be scared. Fear can be debilitating. And I have compassion when I pass them.
I, however, am not scared. I’m rarely scared of the physical. I love it. All of it. The heat and the deep freeze, the wind and rain and thunder, the highest heights and the lowest lows. The jumping and the running and the kneeling and the falling. I never get when people say “Be careful out there.” Careful? Really? I feel like I’m ALWAYS careful out there. That’s the easy part. If I could hurtle my body with the ice fairies, believe me, I would. But I am human, so I settle for Winter Storm Dances on the trampoline on a January night. And I try to figure out for one more day how to navigate the most truly scary place I know of. It’s not out there at all. It’s the opposite of out there.
In here.
I don’t even begin to know how to go about being careful in here. And I don’t know how to turn my hazard lights on to warn people.